Life As I See It. Waiting on Boston

But in my heart it does. I agree that in black and white and even in my head it doesn’t. But just hear me out. 

I feel like I’ve dug myself into some kind of mess. I don’t know what the mess is. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. But everything feels really really different, but not in a good way. I feel like everyone is secretly mad at me or annoyed with me. And no one will tell me to my face. I feel out of reality. Like my soul is a second delayed from my body in the song of my life that is playing. When you feel it, it’s bearable, but it just doesn’t sound right. In fact, it sounds a little ugly. And you can’t quite put your finger on what it is until after a while. 

So what do I do? My heart aches at all this, particularly within the confines of a long, rough week at work. I want someone to look at me and tell me everything is going to be better than just bearable. I want to look in their eyes and feel like they care that I might feel better. I want to look in their eyes when they say it’s going to be okay, and I want to believe them. And most of all, I want to open myself to feel the love of God, because I don’t feel particularly good enough for it. I am humbled by this day. And this feeling in my heart. And this feeling in my body. And by my inability to cope with life. Lord come quickly. Amen.