October 2011
1 post
September 2011
5 posts
even when i'm happy
i’m still a little bit sad.
things that make a tough day better
random kind words and hugs from the people i work with.
a good table of guests.
quiet time.
remembering all that god has for me.
words from a really good book.
something quite funny.
playing a game.
a beautiful day to feel and breathe and see.
today, it was the first one. i’m thankful for peter, oscar, david, travis, ed, sarah, seth, joseph, corn, ava, david, aaron, beth,...
August 2011
3 posts
“She has a lively faith-appreciation of this great gift. SHe has opened up to the...”
– Brennan Manning, The Importance of Being Foolish
love wins.
It’s finally settling in. So I read the book by Rob Bell. It was whatever, EXCEPT for chapter SEVEN. Read chapter SEVEN.
He talks about the prodigal son. Each son has a choice as to which life he is going to accept. The son who left and returns gets to choose to live a life of guilt and servanthood or a life where he accepts his father’s full forgiveness. The son who stays gets to...
July 2011
13 posts
this may or may not make sense
But in my heart it does. I agree that in black and white and even in my head it doesn’t. But just hear me out.
I feel like I’ve dug myself into some kind of mess. I don’t know what the mess is. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. But everything feels really really different, but not in a good way. I feel like everyone is secretly mad at me or annoyed with me. And no...
the backwards world we live in. →
please be smart enough to understand this.
exhaustion
day one of serving down. how many more to go? „,
facing reality
It hurts a little bit. A bit like hitting a brick wall and really feeling it.
But it’s better than if the brick wall felt like it’s just a pillow, continuing to hit it, and then eventually bleeding out all over the floor.
Right?
God, what is in store? What exactly are those amazing plans you have for me? Do I even know the desires of my heart?
EXCERPTS OF PSALM 116
I LOVE THE LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death! my eyes from tears! my feet from stumbling! that I may walk...
YOU COULD SAY I'VE BEEN MIA
BUT REALLY it’s been a good thing. I promise. Looking back and reading my last tumblr posts, they are all very true. I felt them all. But they are sad. I was still moving out of depression. I was still feeling really difficult things. And I still do, but…
I AM WINNING. God has given me the strength to battle the ugly thoughts and difficult emotions. He has healed me. He has put me...
June 2011
2 posts
WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST WEEK? →
top ten traits needed in a companion.
SPIRITUAL LEADER. ready to push, challenge, and guide. focused on God.
STRONG. will make me safe and secure. will hold me and make me feel small. ready to protect.
GENTLE. will treat my heart as the most fragile things he’s ever encountered.
FLAWED. there is something or many somethings wrong with him. he has traits that make him unique and endearing, preferably that aren’t so...
May 2011
8 posts
So, the internet went out at my apartment.
That is what I get for stealing other people’s netgear and not buying my own.
So, because I didn’t have internet, I didn’t tumbl about my godly beliefs. And since I didn’t tumbl about them, I didn’t tell them to myself.
And now I’m going to go out of the country for a month.
But never fear! Betsy said she was going to keep me accountable. So there is...
I almost forgot!!! DAY 2.
I declare that:
Every creation of God is valuable and worthy, even me.
I am beautiful if only because God made me. The worldly scale is impossible.
I am not too much. Emotions are are a part of my creation. I should speak the truth of them.
God brings peace here and now.
My value comes from being a daughter of God.
God is the only one who has hte authority to declare value.
God is...
DECLARING MY UNGODLY BELIEFS
I am using tumblr as my avenue for declaring my ungodly beliefs and replacing them with godly beliefs for the next thirty days. This is how I am going to commit to this, and tumblr friends, I hope that you will keep me accountable.
I confess my sins of believing the lies that:
I should distance myself because people will abandon me in critical times.
I will always feel alone.
I am too...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW.
I don’t care about anything But I want to care about something so badly.
I don’t want to do anything. But I don’t want to just sit.
I don’t want to be with anyone. But I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t know what do, and I can’t find the answers.
Or if they are, in fact, right in front of me, I can’t recognize it. Does anyone see the answer? I...
April 2011
7 posts
LAST DAY OF CLASSES.
EVER.
WHATSUP????
NOT SURE WHY, BUT...
ryanmalone:
mostlyjustemily:
I don’t care about anything right now. Nothing. At all.
The only thing I care to do is to sit. Maybe listen to music. And drink diet coke with oranges in it. But that’s it.
Anyone have any answers for me?
Just let the tornado carry you away. Also, you can’t go wrong with diet and orange. Wanna go watch the rain fall?
That’s sounds soooooooo good....
NOT SURE WHY, BUT...
I don’t care about anything right now. Nothing. At all.
The only thing I care to do is to sit. Maybe listen to music. And drink diet coke with oranges in it. But that’s it.
Anyone have any answers for me?
WORD OF THE WEEK: SOLIDARITY
–noun, plural - ties.
1.union or fellowship arising from common responsibilities andinterests,
as between members of a group or betweenclasses, peoples, etc.
: to promote solidarity among unionmembers.
2.community of feelings, purposes, etc.
3.community of responsibilities and interests. Don’t ask me why. I have no idea, but I’ve used it about 15 times over the past week.
A PRAYER BY DIETRICH BONHOEFFER
O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you:
I cannot do this alone.
In me there is darkness,
But with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience.
I do not understand...
March 2011
7 posts
I DON'T NEED YOUR TIME.
I need your heart.
I don't think you understand.
How much it hurts every time you do that to me.
“I can’t pass a bookstore without slipping inside, looking for the next book that...”
– Pat Conroy, My Reading Life (via bookoasis)
WHAT DO I READ NEXT???
consume me from the inside out: running to Your... →
Will you hold my hand, and we’ll run together?
heyrachelbush:
“when your mind becomes obsessed with anything, you will filter everything else out and find that thing everywhere.” - sol robeson.
i had a wonderful talk on a swing looking at the moon with my gorgeous angel, olivia. put a lot of things in perspective. isn’t it so interesting that i kind of knew…
missed connections
Hello precious boy with bright blue eyes and your cool red beanie. You were so great to let me go ahead of you in the line at Panera. I didn’t know what to say…sorry if I was dorky. The several instances of eye contact were not awkward though. I especially liked the last one as you were leaving. If I’m being honest, I really wanted you to turn around and walk back in and...
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone...”
– Dr. Seuss (via be-the-change)
these are the things i am wondering:
will we ever be able to find balance, even in just one thing?
is there anyone who doesn’t often feel alone?
can i ever experience unconditionally loving someone?
heyrachelbush:
is it possible to live a life where you just don’t get hurt? where you’re smart enough to stay away from things that hurt?
is there a girl in this world who finds herself truly beautiful?
why don’t we ever...
February 2011
13 posts
Love Leprosy
I have…
heyrachelbush:
Do you feel untouchable in the ways of love? Do you feel like there is something wrong with you and no one is nice enough to tell you what it is? Well, I’ll tell you what it is. You might have love leprosy. As a lifetime love leper myself, I’m offering my counciling services to help you all as we go down this long dark road alone. Together.
cortometraje →
Some friends made a film for the 48 hour film festival.
Check it out and vote for it on Thursday.
(If you’re wondering about the nametag, it’s something they had to include as part of the requirements….)
gettin' stuff done
Last night we had dinner with the prospective honors students. Dr. Prill was talking about what all these honors students are doing. I am one of them, but I feel like I’m not doing anything!!
So I’m half disappointed in myself and half inspired to work!
So keep me motivated and accountable. Loads of stuff to do!
Just gotta make sure that I am pursuing what God is already doing....